Yami Yugi's Diary
by Pachelbel
Summary: Yami kept track of his new life. Marvel at his inner thoughts! (Follows the English-dubbed version, now to the middle of YamiTea's "date")
1. Life with Naive Boy, Calendars of the Ne...

Disclaimers: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh!, and I made no money whatsoever off of this little story. I did, however, get to use my nifty vanilla-scented ink when I was writing the rough draft.

Author's Notes: I guess this has probably been done before, but oh well. My first YGO fic. Possibly my last.

  
  


Yami Yugi's Diary

  
  


Day One:

Kid is sleeping. Have decided to keep diary/journal/record of my life. Am so glad to be using ink again.

Now that I'm free to move around again (with aid of unsuspecting mortal boy) have seen just how cramped stupid Millennium Puzzle is.

Suppose I should start at the beginning and explain how/why I was put in Puzzle to begin with. So, will only include my new beginning (i.e. the part where I am freed by naive, but very kind mortal boy, Yugi). Because...it would take too much time to include my real life. Am Pharaoh. History should be included in thousands of scrolls. Somehow doubt it.

Now, am spirit possessing teenage boy.

Wait. Oh crap. Think I'm dead.

  
  


Next day:

Can't understand new-age calendars. Therefore, can't put any date on journal entries. Stupid new world.

Had very un-sophisticated moment last night after realizing I'm no longer alive. Woke Yugi's Grandfather with my screams and curses in 'ancient' Egyptian. Ancient? Please. Grandfather Motou looks as if he's standing under Anubis' shadow already. I, however, appear only a few years older than when I last saw myself. Of course, now have spiky multi-colored hair...am paler, as well, but agewise, I'm the same. Have aged very gracefully.

Found it strange that G.M. came to see why I was still up and couldn't see that I was not his grandson. He came to see why Yugi was still up, I mean. Am starting to talk like shrimp.

Suppose he mistook us because of the dim lighting. Surely he is close enough to Yugi to be able to tell the very large differences between mortal child and myself.

  
  


Day Three:

Was wrong. Very wrong. No one can tell us apart. Will explain:

I saved Yugi's friend (again), this time from would-be robber. She never asked about the bright light when I came out of Puzzle...or about my slightly deeper voice...or (get this) the fact that I'm a full head taller than the kid!!!

Friends are ignorant. Boy is naive. Definitely not Pharaoh material. Just how did he solve the Puzzle anyway?!! Must have been my wish to get out; telepathically sent him the solution to my little Puzzle. There. Question answered.

However, can't begrudge them too much. After all, thanks to them, did get to use my powers on robber. Note to self: Be nice to Tea tomorrow.

Right then. Still need to fill in from beginning. Was put in golden nearly-impossible-to-solve Millennium Puzzle. Yugi solved it. Must find other Millennium items and destroy evil shadow spirits dwelling in them before dark powers engulf and annihilate all of human kind.

I hate my life.

10 minutes later

Found dictionary. Have also found a new name for my new self. 'Yami' which means 'dark, darkness', etc. Will freak kid out when I tell him I am 'Yami Yugi'. Should tell him during classes.

  
  
  
  


Next Day:

G.M. has been kidnaped by long haired billionaire. Said billionaire wants Yugi to enter tournament to win G.M. back; apparently has heard Yugi is very good duelist.

Makes me feel homesick. I was at least respected there. It's been my coaching that has made the kid as good as he is! Has he given me any thanks for it? Any thought at all? Noooo. Wish I was still Pharaoh. Could have him beheaded.

However, G.M. was...kind, and I owe Yugi my life, and well, I'm always willing to trounce someone in a game, so will retire for tonight. We leave tomorrow for the tournament.

Later:

Feel like a moron. I didn't even mention duel with Kaiba. Seto Kaiba is some big shot dueler/programmer.

Undefeated in his game.

...Until me. I will allow you to bask in my glory for a moment.

Kaiba also tore up G.M.'s prized 'Blue Eyes White Dragon', and he has the only other 3 BEWD cards. He nearly beat me with them, and I had him thinking he'd win, but then I pulled up the final part of Exodia.

Am still the best. But, being the merciful son of Ra that I am, I decided to remove the evil from Kaiba's mind; sort of like throwing the dog a bone. And maybe now the man will find a hobby. Why is evil so obsessive???

Maybe I'm being harsh. After all, Kaiba proved to me that I'm not invisible now. He saw when I took over Yugi and the duel. So.... Kaiba is...okay. Am feeling better now. Think I'll go relive my victory a few more times.

  
  


Next Day.

Kids. Friends. Are. Morons. Hate mortals. Hate Weevil. Hate thickheaded friends.

Apparently, my kicking Kaiba's arse has turned a few heads. Am most famous duelist on the boat (Yugi is most famous duelist on the boat, that is...trying to swallow the irony). So some punk got it in his head that Exodia was my only strategy for winning. Decides to stop that strategy from working.

And what does Yugi do? He lets Weevil touch the cards. And then what does Weevil do? Yes. Seemingly, he lacks Kaiba's physical strength, so he didn't even try to tear up Exodia's pieces. He threw them overboard. All 5 cards.

And then as if things aren't bad enough, Joey dives after them.

Now, I know that in my day I could have had a whole army go after the cards, and if I'd wanted, they'd have swum around until they drowned. But...only if I said so. However, they would have gutted Weevil on the deck and fed him to the Nile crocodiles. Would have been a very satisfying night if they had.

But now, I'm many millennia away from my life. And I'm left with 3 Exodia pieces, a very worried Yugi, a sopping wet Joey, and Weevil. Who is still alive.


	2. Finding Bakura, Phony Kaibas, Stupid Dre...

Author's Notes: Yay! Thanks for the reviews, all you reviewers! In answer to a few questions/comments: I think Sarah's right, Joey did only get two. It's been a while since I saw that episode. I love watchful reviewers! Secondly: Yami's pretty sarcastic in this. I think this is his way of lashing out at life for putting him in a tiny golden Puzzle. Looking from a psychological point of view, him venting through writing in a journal is really very healthy. ...*coughs*... Okay, fine, it's partly because Winston (my brother) pointed out how irritating it must be for Yami to have everyone around him be so dense. That got the wheels turning, so to speak. Yami would be happier in this if Winston had pointed out how much fun Yami would have in Vegas first, but...well...we didn't think of it then. :o)

  
  


Day Seven: (before dawn)

Has been days since I was able to write in here. Saw Pegasus in person. Yugi only allows me to take over when (a) he needs help, or (b) is scared. Feel used.

Anyway, Yugi stayed in control, so didn't get to crush Pegasus' mind. Oh well. Something to be said about humiliating someone before you defeat them. Except have sneaking suspicion that's what Peg is doing. Also wonder if he is after me instead of Yugi. Probably wishful thinking; getting delirious from ignorance of the people around me.

On to more important points of interest: I won another star chip. FROM WEEVIL. He's disqualified now, as I tricked him into betting both his star chips as long as I bet my only one and my deck. Feel very, very smug. Happy mood ruined by fact that, once again, was only seen as 'Yugi' in the duel. Maybe light from Puzzle blinds them? Distracts them?

Must test theory with Puzzle and flashlight.

Five minutes later

Nope. Am still unnoticed. But have very pissed off Tristan on my hands. Told him it was Joey.

Did I mention Tristan and Tea are here? Yes. They snuck on Peg's "invite only" yacht. As if no one's going to notice when they don't duel? Or that they don't even have duelist gloves? (Each person was only given one. Pegasus is one cheap b******. Not to mention, mine is......pink. Will kill Pegasus.)

  
  


Next Day:

Apparently, Pink Glove is not just grand conspiracy devised by Pegasus to snub Joey and me. Joey and Yugi. Whatever. You see, was rather blinded by rage when I dueled Weevil, so didn't notice the bright magenta leather glove on his hand. (Hah! Weevil wore 'magenta'! ...Yes, I know. Shut up.)

Was not blind when we met up with Mai. Mai is one tough chick, maybe a tad overdone with perfumes, but after carrying around a deck soaked in French smellies, suppose it is excusable. Has an eye for strategy; wanted to knock out the 'weaker players' first, so she challenged Joey rather than me.

Tea got panicked and begged Yugi to help Joey. Naturally, the transformation from Yugi into SuperYami went unnoticed, even by Mai. (Overestimated her ability to observe surroundings?) Not that it matters. Am becoming less bothered by it. It has advantages.

Offered a few hints to Joey...messed with his deck a bit (via telekinesis)...had faith that he would pull through, and -crack out the champagne!-- he won. Won't go into Mai's weird strategies. Are too strange and overwhelmingly obvious to those with a strong sense of smell.

Mai, unlike He-Who-Is-Beneath-Naming-But-Will-Be-Remembered-For-Destroying-Pieces-Of-Exodia, is not disqualified. She has more star chips than Joey and I put together do. Must work harder.

  
  


Day Nine:

Am beginning to think that I must have underfed my servants. Do all people need to eat as much as Joey and Tristan? Or do they have some sort of...abnormality, other than the obvious ones? Will explain my inane ponderings now.

Joey was hungry. Tristan offered to cook us some 'outdoors food' from his 'outdoor cookbook'. Egypt is, well, quite a bit more sandy and less forested than this island. But at least the foods in Egypt looked edible. What was Tristan planning, anyway? To fix us some pinecone salads? (Eww. Know for a fact that pinecones have been used by the group recently as toilet paper. Thus, have had to hide journal even more carefully; caught Tea eyeing it earlier this morning.)

So Joey surprised us all with a sense of smell that would make a bloodhound envious. He ran and ran and ran...was so happy...realized he was running towards food, we followed. Found Tristan and Joey eating some conveniently frying fish. Doubted that fish just jumped out of the sea to cook themselves for weary travelers, so suspected they belonged to someone. Was right.

Had to duel Tsunami the fish-guy after he put on this nice-guy act. Beat the socks off of him for it. Also, he gave long speeches on how 'great' the 'mighty' sea was. BIG DEAL. The Heart of the Cards is what really matters. And did he think the ocean would help him? HELLO: WE'RE DUELING ON A HOLOGRAPHIC BOARD. And I know for a fact that the ocean is very good at destroying cards.

Am I becoming bitter over losing Exodia?

....Stupid question. Must go amuse self now.

Three minutes later:

Tea is losing her feeble mind. Keeps saying 'There's Bakura again!' 'Look! I didn't imagine it!'. Despite fact that none of us has seen anyone new. Asked her if she had eaten any strange mushrooms. She was not amused.

BTW, just who is 'Bakura' again? I thought Yugi brought all his friends on this whirligig of fun.

  
  


Next day:

Big news. Writing fast. Am dueling as I'm writing. Am also trying not to laugh. Found Mokuba (spoiled little brother of Seto Kaiba; reminds me v. much of own spoiled little brother). Have to duel to free him and protect him. Must win.

Bad guys w/pointy hair thought they'd put me off by making me duel some guy with a bad Seto Kaiba mask. (Mask has ugly bags under eyes. V. amusing.) Also (have to fight back...smile...and....laughter...!) They told me it is Kaiba's ghost.

Ri-ight. I'm a ghost, you fools. And this Kaiba didn't notice me. Is how I know real Kaiba is sitting around shuffling his deck, or maybe drunk and puking in a gutter. Whichever.

  
  


One minute later:

Oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap.....no no no no no no nonononono! Fake Kaiba has Real Kaiba's Blue Eyes!!

A few seconds later:

YES! I was SO right! Real Kaiba just saved me. And Fake Kaiba is some ugly demon.

.....Wait a minute. I know him...I banished him from Kaiba's mind! I sent him to the netherworld! Oh, good Karma, good Karma! Hold on...must banish him again.

Ok, done and done. I love my life!

  
  


Two days later (Day Eleven):

B-O-R-I-N-G. Would rather sit around twiddling my thumbs. Wait...I was...am now writing. Joey is dueling, which is normally fun for me because get to tell him what to do. But Mai insisted he'd be disqualified. So am stuck in Puzzle.

Wish that book on 'Karma' could fit in here. Sigh. Will meditate or dream or something.

Later:

What is going on? Why is Yugi asleep? ...that's not sleeping. Not sure what it...Amon-Ra! There's another ancient spirit around here! He's...he's...touching Yugi. Wait! He's after the Puzzle!

Well, I have one thing to say to that: I am Pharaoh, FEAR ME! Mwaha.

Still later:

Here we are, in the Shadow Realm. Scared the thief when I stood up, tall and menacing! (Not so tall, actually, but menacing and very pissed off anyway). Awww....the mortals are all trapped in the cards! (Don't worry, won't let them die or anything.) They look so tiny!

THEY CAN SEE ME!!!!! (!!!!!!) THEY'RE TALKING TO ME! And Yugi's saying something... that he could hear me the whole time! I could kill him. Yugi, you twit, don't you dare ignore me after this...

Oh, yeah. Bakura is the one with the other Millennium Item. It's some kind of 'Ring', but believe me, it ain't meant for no finger. (What the...? Grammar...suffering...in...Shadow Realm...)

Time to win and get us out of here 'afore I tern into a slak jaw'd yokel. (No, I'm not talking like that. A Pharaoh never loses his cool. That's why I have this journal. To put away my crown and just be me.) Oh, Isis, help...I'm turning into a sap now.

Even later:

My. Powers. Rule. Supreme. In short, I'm still the Pharaoh! Evil Bakura tried to turn Yugi-the-Mini-Dark-Magician against the others. So then I switched Evil Bakura with Good Bakura (who was trapped in the Change of Heart card), and had Yugi finish exacting revenge by destroying him. After which, everyone convinced themselves it was just a dream. RIGHT. A dream that EVERYONE had. Morons.

But anyway, Bakura's nice again and coming with us, and we're free. Anyone else wanna try me?

...Crap. Spoke too soon. Someone's screaming. Sigh.


	3. Toothpaste, and the evil McNuggets

Author's Notes: Hmm...I'm considering doing a Yami Bakura diary, and (maybe) a Seto Kaiba. Opinions? Votes? Trust me, I always listen to my reviewers! :o) I love you guys!

  
  
  
  


Day Twelve:

What is it with people and their names? Another one of Peg's new rules: there are 'eliminators' on this island. Guess who 'Panic' decided to take out?

WRONG!

Hahahaha! He took out Mai. You know...Mai...the woman Joey beat with the card Yugi gave him? Anyway. Can't remember what possessed me to duel and win back her star chips. Could be the shortage of intelligent blonds around here. Might just be Yugi has a soft spot, and I never -will never- lose. Think that's it.

So. Discovered new rules. Squished all of Panic's monsters with a castle. Sounded very cool when I said, "My turn is over" and sent the castle slowly coming down on his screeching, helpless beasts....ooh, I'm so good I scare myself sometimes.

In other news, Joey flirted with Mai. I got better end of deal. She promised to duel me honorably.

Is she coming on to me?

  
  


Day Thirteen:

Accidentally made a new discovery. Pineapple and spearmint gum do not go together. Consequent decision: Must brush teeth immediately after taking over Yugi. (Just who taught this kid about good hygiene, anyway? Am I the only one who brought a toothbrush?)

5 minutes later:

Toothpaste and Orange Juice do not mix. Worst discovery ever. Must exact revenge on Joey. (Why is he still laughing? Must make him stop.)

2 seconds later:

Much better.

  
  


Next Day:

Had to wipe kids' memories of my, ah, slightly un-Pharaoh like reaction to Joseph's little prank. Naturally, is some confusion over Joey's fat lip. Will stay here and snicker knowingly, as Yugi (wisely) will say...nothing.

Later that day:

Great. Now feel bad about hitting Joey. Stupid Kaiba. Hate that man. Will explain:

Was walking through woods ("Ooh! Pretty tree! Oh! Flowers!" says Tea. "Ooh! Same as the last 40 we saw! Oh! Shut up, you twit, I've got allergies!" thinks me.) Will admit, not as majestic as Pyramids in Giza, but forest still nice in its way.

Suddenly, a helicopter comes from the sky. Was at first thinking, "What in the Underworld is that?" but read Yugi's mind and found out. It's a helicopter. It flies. The propeller blades go "chchchchchchcchch!" Was so neat! -ahm, fascinating.

Anyway, who should get out but the Formerly-Undefeated-Guy-Who-Could-Yet-See-Yami-Though-He's-A-Sub-Par-Duelist-Now, Seto Kaiba. Yugi acted just so happy to see him. Stupid kid. Choose your enemies wisely, but for crying out loud, don't befriend more morons than you have. Be a casual acquaintance. Treat him like that Uncle you have; send him a post card every couple of Christmases or so. Naturally, was ignored.

Long story short: Joey challenged him. Maybe figured my defeating him would make Kaiba an easy battle? Maybe was trying to put himself on my level? Possibly, was he bored, or suicidal?

Anyway, Kaiba throws something at him that looks like a dinner plate. Turns out it's new device for the game. Makes things more real. Simulates stench of overgrown farm animals (now why did Kaiba do that?). Take a guess who won. Kaiba. Duh. Kaiba also called Joey a canine. Suppose it's a step down from 'dueling monkey'. Relieved to see that even this long after I died, no one uses 'cat' as an insult.

Joey needs cheering up now. Will give him some toothpaste.

  
  


Next Day (or maybe later that night? Don't know; haven't seen light of day in too long...must duel...)

Joey's missing. Uhm...am looking for him, in a non-committal way, as am still stuck in Millennium Puzzle.

Later:

We were chased by big boulder-shaped balloon with speaker inside. Think Pegasus has too much time on his hands. Anyway, Bakura got run over, which was funny, and Tristan punched balloon, which was also funny, until it popped.

Then found Joey. Told Yugi strategy that could help Joey win against evil Zombie-regenerative monsters. Joey won. Bandit Keith wears flag around his head; wish still had Pharaoh head dress. Would show him up.

Think I'm becoming more shallow by the minute...must get out of this cave for fresh air.

Little while later:

Guess what's happened NOW. We're stuck in the cave. B.K. (Bandit Keith, the Burger King) and the McNuggets (oh, never mind, am too annoyed and claustrophobic to be clever). The "bad guys" pushed a big real boulder in front of exit.

They...will...pay...

  
  
  
  


Author's Notes: That's it for today! I need a break before I try to tackle the Paradox brothers. Those guys really creep me out; need my courage first. ;-)


	4. When Mothers Hate Their Children, And th...

Still on very end of Day Fifteen:

The boulder is stuck. No, wait. I correct myself: I'M STUCK! Isis, Ra, Seht, anyone, help me! I told mother when I was little I was scared to go into my tomb to wait to be lead to the spirit world.

So, what happened? Got put in a teeny golden pyramid, and now I've been buried alive! Technically, buried dead...or...spiritly? Bakura says there is a Millennium Item nearby. Assume that he means one we haven't seen yet. At least, I hope he's seen the gigantic golden pyramid around Yugi's neck by now. (Know for fact that his evil alter-ego noticed it.) Now that I think about it, don't see how my 'home' could be any more obvious. Very embarrassing, really.

Am starting to whimper like a baby. Will stop writing and focus on acting calm. Must put up strong example for certain younger members of our party. 

Ahem. 

Quick! To the Millennium Item! (Trying to spark excitement in self and friends instead of nauseous closed-in feelings of dread.)

  
  


Day Sixteen:

Was tempted to put 'Day Who-Knows-Anymore-It-Feels-Like-Forever'. But didn't, as being sarcastic is well and good unless it might confuse even me someday. Pharaohs must keep track of days, months, years, and even minutes.

Anyway. Am having fun now! Yes, I'm dueling again, but now I'm on team with Joey.

Before hand, we walked...walked...walked...found no 'light at the end of the tunnel of doom'. But did find dueling arena!

And two ugly, hairless eliminators who speak in rhymes and have that annoying habit of finishing each other's sentences. Reminds me of priest I knew who acted 'cutesy' with his wife... "Deary, please would you-" "Pass the bread? Certainly, my snugglebums!"

"Don't you think Pharaoh is--" "Just gorgeous?" "Took the words right out of my mouth!" Tried to flatter me but should have said 'brilliant', 'omniscient', 'the most powerful leader Ra ever put on the earth'. You know, good solid facts, not...superficial crap. Naturally, cannot stand 'cutesy' couples/groups/individuals anymore.

Yugi keeps wanting to call eliminators 'Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum'. Must look into reference; feel stupid when not in-the-know. 

Hey! They're guarding my way out! This means war!

Later...

Have given grudging respect to Joey. He sacrificed a card to the evil monster in the 'eliminators' maze. Have decided to call our team 'Team Dead Heads' because I'm a ghost, and Joey...well...you know.

In other news: Are winning!

Two Seconds later:

'Team Other Guys' just got shifty-eyed; think they're planning something. Also think their mother hated them. Found out they are named 'Para' and 'Dox'. And I thought my Egyptian name was bad. Must laugh at them and act superior.

Six seconds later:

Definitely planning something. Superior smugness not fazing them! Want to destroy them with a dragon, an ugly black one. Will combine Joey's dragon with my Summoned Skull. (Need more dead things in the room, as am beginning to feel lonely.)

Five minutes later:

Dragon plan failing, on account of stupid 'no flying cards allowed in maze field' rule. Also, enemy team has something very bad, very big, and very powerful, but it doesn't compare to Exodia. I don't know what their monster is called; wasn't paying attention, was too sick with worry over my Exodia cards lost somewhere at the bottom of ocean. Missing Exodia so bad, will now risk Dark Magician, as losing D.Magician should show Yugi fraction of how mad I am at him for letting someone touch Exodia.

Two seconds later:

EUREKA! THE DARK MAGICIAN! THAT'S IT!! I'LL TURN HIM INTO A DRAGON! Er, change his *place* with the dragon.

.......

Woooo! We're (almost) free! We won! Now all that's left is that stupid riddle, but something seems off with Joey's answer.

Will show off Pharaohnic intellect now. Will also use double-sided coin to trick them. Watch, and be amazed.

Hah! I certainly think they were all impressed. Dox and Para are angry, because I sort of cheated, (except it was their rules so not really) but TOO BAD! We're free, free, free! Must let Yugi take over, or will end up running ahead and leave kiddies to fend for themselves.


	5. Elvis Fans Run Rampant, Introduction of ...

Author's Notes: LoL! You guys are great! :o) In answer to some questions: I wish I could take credit for the "Very Secret Diaries" series! They're hilarious! But...I can't. I got the idea for this from a book my mom bought me called "Wurst Case Scenario", and of course from Winston and Henry. I'm definitely going to do Tea's duel with Mai, although I don't remember much from it (I was laughing pretty hard when I saw it. I mean, come on; 'Shining Friendship!' Gah!) To avoid any confusion, a 'kaibo' is an outhouse, whereas a Kaiba is a master duelist.

  
  


Day Sixteen.....ish

  
  


Am so...tired now. Can sunlight make one tired? Can it make a ghost tired?

Am I really a ghost? Really dead? What time is it? What is time, for that matter? Not matter, or energy, or....

TIME IS LIKE ME!

I'm depressed now. Wonderful.

  
  


Later:

Yugi had a nice little flashback of when he met Tea. Reminded me of when I saved her; felt much better when remembered my awesome power. (Awesome meaning 'inspiring awe', and not the slang term, thank you very much.)

Got bored with them gaping at each other, so went back to sleep, until I remembered how many stairs there are between us and Peggy's castle. AAAGH! Only the Pyramids are worse, and I've never even climbed on my grandfathers' tombs, so it's not really worse for me, thus making THIS the worst climb I've ever seen!

Will let Yugi do the hiking. Hah! No, no, don't tap into me little one, do it yourself. I SAID STOP!

There. He's climbing now. Feel more in control now, too.

  
  


A long climb later:

Kaiba. Is. Here.

How annoying can one man get? Won't let us into the castle. He wants a rematch; I'll give him one. Stupid...moronic....dung-beetle-headed.....man. (Should use powers instead of insults. Good thing said nothing out loud; still look suave to present onlookers.)

Have had a few 'insights' into the life of Kaiba. For one thing, what in all that exists under Ra is he doing playing Duel Monsters? If I were as tall and lurpish as him, I wouldn't waste my time with cards (also assuming if was as tall as him, would be ignorant to dangers of Duel Monsters). I'd go play basketball. He's taller than the backboard! Some people just fall into the wrong career.

Secondly, what is with his coat? Is it a coat? Seems familiar somehow. ...Ah! Hoop skirt, from the 1890's! Yes, or was it called a bustle? Hahahahaha!! He's wearing a half-skirt! Deduction: Kaiba is insecure about his butt.

Awwwww....that's so cute! He's got a locket! Shaped like a card! I bet it's a picture of him having Christmas with his Blue Eyes White Dragons. Am so glad have better life than him, and I live in a necklace.

He's...challenging Yugi. Oh yay!!! Will take over now, as Yugi is thinking of backing down after being called a coward. Honestly, kid, show some self respect. For me. I have to live in this body, too, you know. Think Yugi is selfish.

Am very annoyed with Seto now. Will quote favorite song, as it applies to him:

"One, by one, we're having some fun, at the Kaibo, All day, and all through the night, at the Kaibo!

Two, by two we're rolling in poo, at the Kaibo, All day, and all through the night, at the Kaibo!" There is more, eight more verses in fact, but think the second verse applies most to this situation. Am certain any person who manages to pry journal from my smooth, dead fingers will understand. Hopefully. Have seen so much lack of intelligence lately, I begin to wonder.

Have noticed Kaibo's hair seems to grow and shrink, depending on his confidence/arrogance level. Suppose, if he ever manages to beat me, it will shoot down past his knees. So far: is down past his nose. When Yugi threatened not to duel him, was up between his eyebrows. Deduction: He thinks he can beat me. HE thinks he can beat ME. Must allow only small laugh; otherwise, will look like buffoon. Not that anyone would notice, I guess, as I'm not the one who looks like a bad Elvis impersonator trapped in a broken hula skirt.

Ohhhhh no..........Not again......not a Blue Eyes.....GAH! THREE OF THEM! TOGETHER! 

Wish I was not Pharaoh. If I was a normal Joe Shmuck, would be able to curl up in fetal position and whimper like a whipped puppy. Er, kitty...cat. Joey is a puppy. Great, now my eye is twitching.

Ok. Draw a card....unclose my eyes.....YES! YES YES YES! A COTTON BALL! ...Named Kuriboh! Take this, Kaibo!

AHA! Now to shake him up: will tell him my Living Arrow/Mammoth-Graveyard Polymerization combo.

.......Er, don't think he got it. Will repeat it. There. Now, to wait, wait, wait some more....and then attack, beat him, and go rescue Grampa. Mr. Motoh I mean.

Am disgusted now; had smidgen of respect for Kaibo-Kaiba, but now? His eyes got tiny and insane looking, and he DIDN'T PUT BLUE EYES IN DEFENSE MODE! Oh well. Will destroy him now. Yawn.

...Wait! Was listening to Kaiba's insane, sick, twisted mind: and....

He sees dead people.

WHICH MEANS THAT I REALLY AM A GHOST, BECAUSE HE SAW ME!

Also, his inner child beats him up. Or would like to. Think that is very funny; as immortal son of Ra, I have no inner child. Unless you want to count Yugi, which I do not.

But whatever, back to the duel.

What's he doing? Committing suicide? He thought that would stop me in my tracks! Oh, mercy! Does he not realize that, however much I don't want (most) people to have a painful death unless inflicted by me, killing himself would really do me a favor, as then I wouldn't be kept up at night imagining ways to kill him?

So here's what I said: "Don't tempt me!", etc, "Go, Celtic Guardian, attack!"

  
  


Yugi STOPPED me.

Kaiba beat me. Beat Yugi.

And Yugi says he's scared of me; so scared, he'll never duel again. Well, okay, LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR! That lying little...ungrateful....soft-spined maggot. If Yugi didn't have such a strangle hold on me right now, I'd be pushing Kaiba off this rooftop! 

What do I have to do to be good enough for these morons anyway? Do I really care what they think?

.....Pains me to say it......Care what Yugi thinks.....Or I did, up until today when he tried to turn into a hero and ended up losing all my work. So degrading; I've never, ever, ever been beaten. Ever. Not in battle, not in games, not in war, not in-

Tea is yelling at Kaibo...! She says that while Kaibo won a 'lousy' game, Yugi has friends. Yugi has a heart.

Sniffle, me too...sure, it may not work anymore, being dead, and according to Yugi it's a shriveled black raisin, but it's still there...


	6. Eyeball Soup, A Date With Mai

Author's Notes: I'm back! I sort of went on an art phase, and dropped the ball on all of my stories. Also, it's been fairly hard to get my hands on the older episodes, and watching them with Winston and Henry is where I get most of my sarcastic-Yami ideas. So, this is the first chapter that I will write completely off of memory and episode guides (which are a pain to come by, by the way. If anyone knows of a reliable, detailed site, pleeeeease let me know!)

  
  
  
  


Last part of Day Sixteen:

  
  


Have been here much too long. Does Yugi not remember need for food? Or sleep? Or...movement? If -when, must keep spirits up- I'm allowed to take over again, will probably feel cramp in legs from crouching here on the ground for hours on end.

Here comes......Mai?? What's she doing here? Can she really have made it all the way to...but of course! She was a good duelist, I suppose, not so good as me or as Joey with my advice, but good anyway.

I KNEW IT! She IS coming on to me! Is offering me star chips! I mean, offering Yugi star chips, but only because she likes me (especially after I was noble and rescued her from being kicked off island). What in all that is under Ra's gaze is Yugi doing? Nothing. He's doing nothing but crying and whimpering about how scared of me he is. Worst part? Not whimpering out loud. Nooo, just where I can hear it. Tried to tell him to get up and get star chips and go into castle, but...no...he just started shaking and screaming (in his head). Am intimidating. V. nice.

So, guess what happens next. No no. Wrong again. Keep going. Wrong. Ok. Tea challenged Mai. TEA challenged MAI. This is suicide on a ridiculous scale. Stole a look at Joey/Tea/Tristan's decks a few nights ago, hoping they'd have extra pieces of Exodia. Joey's deck is ok, but oh-so-predictable. Tristan's isn't even finished yet, and he's got stupid cards anyway.

What does Tea have? FLUFFY BUNNY FEELING CARDS! Stupid, insignificant, stomach-churning cards one would see at a baby shower. Am so screwed, but can't take over; won't allow me to. Not without melting his brain anyway.

Must sit here and watch and try to listen around Yugi's sniveling...am so nervous....palms are sweating. Ick. Wiped them off on Joey, got strange look, as Yugi won't look anywhere but at empty space in front of his feet, which made him look stupid.

Am weeping. Or would be, if such things were in the know-how of the greatest Pharaoh Ra ever spawned. Mai kicking butt, as always...Tea losing, and horribly. Score? Too embarrassing to be in journal, especially if it's my side that is losing.

Think that Tea is (slowly) getting ideas, and Joey and Tristan are (by force) showing some enthusiasm for her. Wait, Yugi is in mind now, wants to talk. Will finish writing later.

  
  


A Little Later:

Updates are of the good news, bad news variety. Yugi didn't really want to talk. Wanted to whine some more, wonder about 'what if big spirit is evil', 'what if can't control him', etc. Wasn't willing to listen, so I didn't even bother.

Now for good news, which I desperately need. Tea somehow beat Mai. I don't know how. Think that she let Tea win...in which case, my gratitude goes up while my respect goes down. WAY down. How could she let herself be beat by a card named 'Shining Friendship', especially after the headache we all got from Tea's long...loooooong lecture on the 'benefits and strengths' of real friends? (Tend to agree with Mai on theory of Duelists Fend For Selves. Except Yugi...I fend for me and Yugi, but as I live in his jewelry and his body, think that am entitled to duel for him.)

So, Yugi finished internal struggle (more or less. Don't see signs of struggle, as was not fighting with him, was trying to ignore him, but whatever). Tea beat Mai and gave Yugi the star chips, and we went to watch Kaiba and Pegasus duel.

  
  


DAY SEVENTEEN:

Is not actually a 'new day' in that the sun has not actually set or risen since I last wrote, but being Pharaoh have decided Day Sixteen was getting much too long, and we need a new day. On to the duel!

First time have been excited about a duel that does not concern me whatsoever, but must admit, is very interesting to watch the two mortals I hate most battle it out. Just can't decide who I want to lose more, but if was gambling, would place my palace on Pegasus. After all, he has Egyptian Eye, and we know how powerful certain items are.

Oooh, Kaibo just lost his Blue Eyes. That's gotta sting. So wonderful, it's killing me!!

  
  


Twelve guesses who won. Am in shock. Wish had put bet on Pegasus, but didn't, as Yugi is still in an anti-Egyptian-Pharaoh mood, and would seem 'insensitive' to make money off of Kaiba's demise.

Oh. Did I mention his demise?

He's cursed, just like me. Only my curse was more or less voluntary. His was...being trapped in a card with a stupid look on his face. And Mokuba is in a card, too. 

Thought that Pegasus showing Kaiba his younger brother wandering around without a soul was a very low blow, even if earlier I thought he might have deserved it. So, Yugi and I took on responsibility of freeing the Kaibo....er, Kaiba brothers as well as Grandpa, as well as earning money for Joey. Ok, didn't mention the money thing, but that is in my grand scheme, because I plan on beating Joey into the ground if I have to, and he'll need consolation prize.

That and, to build palace with the money I'd earn, I'd have to take over Egypt again, and that would involve war and more of Yugi's griping about how evil I am.

More good news: Got out and threatened Pegasus. He looked...well...not exactly worried, more smug actually, but that is not the point. Point is that I got out for a bit.

  
  


NIGHT SEVENTEEN:

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Oh, that was priceless! And a little disgusting. Ok, lots disgusting, but not anything I haven't seen before. In fact, there was one time when I was still a Pharaoh-in-waiting (i.e. Prince), and learning politics from my mortal father, and he did the exact same thing as Pegasus, only a little worse.

See, there are eyeballs in the soup everyone was eating for dinner. Ok, one eyeball per bowl, but the eyes weren't real, and they had the name of who we are to face. (Goody! Facing Mai!) Father had eyeballs in the enemy's soup as well, but....well, you can fill in the blanks.

Anyway. Expressions and reactions made me homesick, so am going to bed now to dream of older days.

  
  


Yugi is dreaming of Grandpa, and the Kaibas. I have bigger problems. Could have sworn I felt that grave-robbing dog-kisser, Bakura. (Or rather, the evil spirit taking over the poor mortal. And need I explain again that if cats are holy creatures worthy of worship, dogs are scum between my toes? The stuff that gets noticed in outhouses? The slimy white maggots eating bodies that have not been mummified? Therefore, being a dog lover would be...oh, forget it, I can't be bothered with further insults of dogs.)

He's alive? How could I have failed in defeating him?

No, must not think down thoughts. Good karma, come back to me...(must have left due to terrifying Yugi. Will make special note to be nice to him and win back his trust). Someone must have...I don't know...brought Bakura's evil self back somehow. Bad mystery, but can't be solved now, must rest. Big day tomorrow, after all.


	7. Kindness to shrimps, Duels with Mai and ...

Author's Notes: Thanks to everyone who offered websites! It has made this chapter possible. Now, to answer questions: Uhm...Yes, *technically* Yami lost his memories; or so he says. I'll come to that *grins*. (This is my first YGO fic, and I started it before I knew anything *about* YGO. I know, bad Pachelbel *slaps her own wrist* Anyway, it will make sense and stay in canon, so bear with me.) As for the insults: I'm working hard (slamming my head in a car door is more like it) to keep this kid-friendly... i.e. something I wouldn't get in trouble for having my little brother read. To do that, I have to ignore my vulgar mind and pretend I'm Yami, who wouldn't know modern swears or insults and the like.

  
  


Yami Yugi's Diary!

DAY EIGHTEEN:

Yugi is wondering if he should duel. OF COURSE YOU SHOULD, NITWIT! With much effort, kept that thought to myself. No sense making him run off back to Domino.

Speaking of: 'Domino'? Who in the Underworld was that city named after?

Back to business. Pegasus is talking: "Welcome, blah blah, wonderful duelist, blah blah," stuff we all know. Or should, if we were paying attention, which no one was. Except me, probably.

So, as am bored with the speech, will practice Shadow Magic. Wait. Yugi is poking around, trying to see what I'm planning. Like I'm planning *anything*. Am flattered he thinks I am an evil genius, however. Oh, except I am NOT evil; am here to STOP evil. Stupid mortal.

Pegasus, you antsy fool; he's making Mai duel me first. Er, duel YUGI first. Because of this, have no time to convince Yugi I like him, and he is going in completely unprepared.

Keeping me out will take up much of his concentration when he should be focusing on the game which I worked so hard to get him through. *Wonderful* show of gratitude, Yugi.

Mai believes Yugi is reeling after his 'loss' to Kaiba. Forfeit is the word she needs. Loss? To KAIBA? I think not! How dare she say that! ....Yugi is trying to tell her he's not scared of Kaiba (just of hurting him.) He's scared of me.

As if Mai cares what he's scared of; the fact is, he's losing. See? She just took away his trap card! Now Yugi's on the defensive. The turn snaps back to Mai, who powers up her Harpy, and....we're O-U-T! Fortunately, we lost no life points. Yet.

Now we might, seeing as how she flipped the Dark Magician into attack mode.

Seems that to win, this will require my help. Not that I'm surprised. Must...ugh...talk to kid politely. Calmly. Show him what a benevolent person I am. Or was. No, no, am is correct.

He's not listening and......wait a second, we're dueling on the left today, which means Mai's score is 2000 and.....OH CRAP! WE'RE DOWN TO 300 LIFE POINTS!

  
  


Okay, I can do this. Take deep, calming breaths. Repeat: I am King. I once ruled the civilized world. I saved all human life. I cannot, will not, be defeated. Not in a box, not with a fox, not in the rain, not on a train.

Maybe I should skip the last part. Hey the boy is listening to me! "I never meant to hurt Kaiba. I was just trying to save your grandfather. I even called him 'grampa', just like you. Please don't lock me away; I'll get angry and dangerous and it makes my legs cramp up." That is basically what I said. Well, what I meant to say. I also added something like, "And I'll never go against your wishes again." (Didn't mention that I'll go against him if he starts acting like a moron. Hopefully with enough of my training, that won't be an issue.)

He agreed! I could hug him! But instead I'll play the game and win. In fact, I'll do it in the coolest way possible. Black Luster Soldier! Here's a poem I...erm, *my minstrels* wrote about it:

"He's a soldier!

His armor's black!

Watch out for that blade;

It won't cut you any slack!"

Yeah. That's all.

  
  


A Short While Later:

Hm. Joey should be dueling Bandit Keith. Instead, he is running around searching for lost card. The lost card Yugi gave him. Am strangely calm; remember that this is the usual feeling before doing something that is looked upon as 'insane' or 'irrational'. Or 'murderous'.

Don't care much about the duel; if Bandit Keith goes to fight Pegasus, he will end up in a card and I will split my sides laughing. If he duels me, he will lose and I get to practice sending people to the Shadow Realm.

Yet if he fights Joey, and loses, I will have to duel Joey. He has started to grow on me, or else Yugi's feelings have bled through the Spirit Walls...and either way, am not really looking forward to any duel against the...ahm...moron.

Stupid emotions. Was looking forward to putting Joey in his place a few days ago! Must go attempt to build a brick wall and then smash my head through it. Hopefully amnesia will occur and when I wake up I will hate everyone again.

...Is pointless to build a wall and smash it down again. Before I could, Joey beat Bandit Keith. Pegasus is surprised. Hah!

And Keith? He got booted off the island. He is wallowing somewhere in the middle of the ocean. That's what he gets for threatening Pegasus without having a Millennium Item.

  
  


A/N: Uh huh. I dunno about this, not sure I like writing them this way...tell me what you guys think? Should I just wait to update until Blockbuster releases the set of DVDs with the duels I need?


	8. Forgetting things, Beginning to think Ba...

Author's Notes: I can't BELIEVE how nice you reviewers are! Llyxius, you are SO awesome! Since December is only made up of days (no matter how loooong this holiday season has been without my brother), I'll have you know that your reviews do brighten up my day, and I love hearing what parts you like best! Especially since a few of them were Henry (my bro's) quotes, so reading them make me smile. And thanks to Cranky Cathe for rooting me on! :) 

This chapter was made possible by Jenni! Jenni, I love you SOO MUCH! I'm just going to thank you here a million times over and ask the REVIEWERS TO THANK YOU ALSO. *hint hint*

No Disclaimer Necessary! *ducks under the table to hide from attorneys stricken with mad-cow disease* Er, never mind, I don't own YuGiOh. And no one has paid me to do this. It's all fun and games. (*Silver's mom pops up over her shoulder, adds chipperly, "Yeah, until someone loses an eye!")

Yami Yugi's Diary! (Pt. 8?)

  
  


DAY NINETEEN:

Guess what I get to do now. Yuh huh. I get to duel Joey.

Let's start tallying the odds and taking bets on THIS duel now. Am quite confident; Joey has dumb luck (emphasis on the 'dumb') but he never would've gotten on the BOAT without me.

.....Noo....this cannot be happening. My raisin-which-serves-as-a-heart seems to have built a spot for Joey. Tiny spot. Teeny. Negatable, however, it is not. Must meditate or something. Right. Picture terrible things: Exodia being destroyed. Kaiba's ugly mug. Dozens of miniature Kaibas, multiplying faster than Kuriboh.

That did it. Joey's going down.

First, will test him with Celtic Guardian. Nope. He destroyed it. Okay...a mistake like that should not go unpunished. Will tell Joey this. Now that I've done that, back to the duel.

Hehe! Joey's fallen right into my trap. Has made 'Black Skull Dragon'. Will smirk at him to throw him off guard.

Going to destroy Joey with...uh huh you guessed it, The Dark Magician. Stupid Joey. Playing combo that *I* taught him. As if I wouldn't have some way around it! Anyway. Over-used combo is playing 'Time Wizard' with 'Baby Dragon'. Will sit back smug and secure and wait.

Will not warn him of bad consequences of this last action, because of that comment he made on beating me and knowing all my strategies. Jerk off.

EWWWW! I miss Egypt when people died of horrible diseases before they could start drooling all over themselves in their old age like the Dark Magician is! Ewww! Must end this quickly and vow to kill Yugi before he gets that old. (Secret note to keep from Joey until later: 'Dark Magician' is now 'Dark Mage'. Because of Joey's Time Wizard! Say you know all my moves NOW, Wheeler!)

Will now kill off his life points with his own monster!

....No, not again. No. Bad heart. Bad heart! Stop it! What is this? A tear? In my eye? No. Look like a fool. Don't want to destroy Joey....

Imagining him bawling like a baby or committing suicide; or worse yet, hiring gangsters to kill me and take my hard-earned 3 million dollars. Am angry. Will have to win; must save Yugi's grandpa! But...but....but....ok. Will also give Wheeler the money.

*sigh* What sort of existence have I come to? I remember tossing people who crossed me into the crocodile/hippopotamus infested water of the Nile. Remember being ultimate, supreme ruler. Remember......oh crap. Must keep 'dark' past from Yugi now. Will have to build some sort of maze-and-booby-trap infested tomb inside my mind to keep him from snooping around too much.

Oh, back to the duel. I just won. Joey *seems* to be still on good terms with me and Yugi. Will keep my eye on him anyway, at least until Croquet gives me my-er, Joey's-money.

  
  
  
  


DAY TWENTY

Is time for my first duel with Pegasus. And yes, he can read my mind. What does he know? Can he tell what kind of underwear I'm wearing? Oh Ra...this was NOT a good day to be wearing those pink boxers. Must go change them.

Right, NOW I'm ready. Am wearing very manly yet slightly-more-uncomfortable black briefs. Oh, did I mention I'm sensing Bakura somewhere around here? The evil one. Is very irksome. Pissing me off. Driving me into a rage.

Also, have lost dozens of monsters. Okay. Dozens is an overstatement. But still. Am losing; am having my mind read; am scared. No. No, not scared. Not scared. Hear me, Pegasus? First, I am NOT scared. Second, stop reading my diary, you gold-eyed freakasaurus!

Agh. Don't know how to beat Toony monsters, and I bet that's what he'll use next. Must cheat or something. Am now to 900 life points. This is getting ugly. I really wish I could get in the lead.

Ohhh...so it takes TEA telling Yugi that I have magic to get him to ask for my help in something other than strategy? Gee. Feel like trash now. Or an ignored kid, except am so much older than everyone else. Must ignore fact that I also forgot about my magic, because then I would feel stupid and my Confidence Level would dip below 'cocky', and THEN I would lose the duel.

Pegasus is getting annoyed with our 'Mind Shuffling'....have the feeling he will do something to stop us. Why must I always be right? And he-ere we go into the Shadow Realm!

  
  
  
  


A/N: That's it for today, folks! This is shorter because I've been in the mood to write Kaiba, not Yami this week. So I'm updating practically all my YGO fics. Go read 'Mirror Force' too! (Hehe, I'm aloud to ask people to read someone else's story, even if it's in my profile.) :) Namarie!


	9. Meeting Lots of People, Ordering Bakura ...

A/N: Aww... Just as I get around to updating, I find out this story has been taken off of tons of people's favorites lists. Trying not to take it personally, but when you have an ego as big as mine (or Winston's) it's hard not to take stop signs personally. *sniff*...don't hate me for being lazy...hate me for...ok, being lazy. I'll be better! (Like I haven't said *that* before)

  
  


DAY TWENTY ONE:

Stupid boy. Stupid Pegasus. Stupid mind-shuffling. But love the weather in the Shadow Realm; let's see, cloudy with a chance of being zapped in the butt by magical lightning. (That wasn't actually sarcasm; think it'd be funny to see that.)

Oh. Back to the game. Yugi can't tell me what his moves are. Hate that. But love not having to tell him my every move. Felt like he was watching me blow my nose for a while there, and now here is my breath of fresh air. Except Yugi can't take strain of Shadow Realm *and* summoning monsters. Which makes all of his turns much slower than mine, and I get bored more easily. Obviously, it is his turn now, or else would be more interested in the game instead of my diary.

Right, so will sit here and twiddle my thumbs and ponder meaning of the word 'twiddle'. Oops. Forgot to keep watch over Pegasus's tricks, and Yugi just got knocked out. Must check for pulse.

...Oh Ra, oh Ra, oh Ra...he doesn't *have* a pulse. I killed Yugi. I killed him! My host! The guy who solved the Puzzle! My reincarnation/descendant! My little buddy! 

No. No, I didn't; Pegasus did.

I'll make him pay. Then I'll beat him at the game. Then I'll find Bakura and make him rip out Pegasus's Millennium Eye.

Will tell Pegasus this, except the last part, since he doesn't even know who Bakura is.

Must duel; will write later.

  
  


LATER:

Feel like a moron. Of COURSE Yugi doesn't have a pulse. We're in the friggin' SHADOW REALM. No one has a pulse here. He was just sleeping. Am so glad he was out when I cried; might have been detrimental to my Confidence Level.

Anyway, we won. Pegasus was all "No! Cecilia! I failed you!"

Telepathically told him, "Ha ha!" (Like this Nelson character on Joey's favorite show, called 'The Simpsons' or somesuch.) "You failed the only woman who will ever love you! She's gone! Haha! You lost! Now you'll never see her again!"

Oh...and....Yugi's Grandpa, being a disembodied spirit, came to me. Raised my hopes. Will have to tell Yugi when he is feeling better.

  
  


EVEN LATER:

Don't tell Yugi, but...I found Bakura and told him where he could find Pegasus. Waited a little while and went to find him again. Saw him licking blood off of the Millennium Eye, so will assume that justice has been served. Also, Yugi's Grandpa has been saved and we can go home! Er, *they* can take me to *their* home. Oh, what the heck. Might as well start calling them family, since I'm living in Yugi's body.

On a slightly darker note, Kaiba and his long-haired rock-fan-wanna be brother have been returned to their bodies as well. Was a disgustingly sappy reunion; am so glad my own reaction to finding Yugi safe and sound was much more dignified than "Brother!" *sob sob sob*.

...Oh, and Shadi payed me a visit. As that jerk has been trying to ruin my life, I hid and set up booby traps for him in my soul room. And get this, he says my mind is the most complex, highly guarded he has ever seen. Go me! That's Pharaoh: 10, Shadi: 1.

Almost killed him, too, except Yugi happened along.

But, even more exciting is this. Finally talked to Yugi, face to face, when he wasn't mad at me. Went something like this:

"Thank you for saving everyone, Spirit. What's your name?" (Ok, am paraphrasing, but am also running out of ink, so sue me. Heh. Like that saying. 'Sue me'. Heh.)

Now, remember how excited I was to tell him I am 'Dark Yugi'? Yep, let's see how good a memory this kid has. Will tell him a lot of beat-around-the-bush nonsense before getting to my actual, modern name. "I have been called many things over the years: Pharaoh, Yugioh...but you may call me Yami." Was pausing for dramatic effect before adding on the 'Yugi', but the twit thought I'd finished.

"Alright, Yami."

Well, I guess with him I can't win 'em all. Besides, his reaction was so not what I wanted.

  
  


DAY TWENTY TWO:

Not ANOTHER annoying twerp to duel. Why can't they be vicious, psychopathic killers instead of irritating children who speak to teddy bears or use annoying phrases like, "Yugi-boy" when my name isn't even Yugi?

...Yugi is shockingly nice. Offered to duel her for me. Would hug him, except am horribly afraid my ghost-arms would go through him. So will keep my cool and keep writing in my diary, commentating on Yugi's progress.

And the annoying freckle-faced...child plays: Witch of the Black Forest!

And...Yugi kills it with a Celtic Guardian!

Rebecca's life points: 1700, Yugi's: 2000.

Rebecca searches her deck (compliments of the Witch) and finds: Sangan. Yawn.

Er, right, Rebecca: 1300, Yugi: an untouched 2000!

Ooh, she just got rid of the Celtic Guardian. 

Should really talk to Yugi about us always using that poor card as a sacrificial lamb; it can't be good for the Heart of the Cards. I mean, the Celtic Guardian will only put up with it for so long.

Right, so Yugi uses the Summoned Skull. But she has....a Millennium Shield?!? Ok, so she doesn't *just* have stupid cards in her deck. We're still winning.

And she's going off again on how Yugi's grandfather stole a Blue Eyes White Dragon from *her* grandfather. So annoying; all she does is complain and whine and...

Heh. I actually kind of believe her over the old man, but I won't tell Yugi that. (What? His grandfather's a senile perverted lunatic! He's fully capable of robbery. He's already monopolized the game shop business in Domino City.)

Hah! And I thought *we* were bad about sending the Celtic Guardian to the graveyard! Rebecca's been killing all of her monsters to power up some preying mantis-looking monster. Yugi's wasting breath trying to teach her how stupid it is. Can we say "hypocrite", Yugi?

Yugi just QUIT! WE COULD HAVE WON!!! That is IT. I'm going to bed now, and I'm not going to talk to him until further notice.

  
  


DAY TWENTY THREE:

Have finally been lured out of my angry state by new cards. Still not really talking to Yugi (or anyone, since only Yugi knows I'm here), but is still entertaining to study what cards are coming out.

Not that Yugi will let me touch his deck. Have to wait until he is asleep to add any new cards or -heaven forbid- take out the out-dated ones.

...Huh. Just guess who the Kaiba brothers turn to when something goes wrong in their little world? Yeah. Yours truly. (Although they call me 'Yugi', I know they really want my help.)

It seems that Kaiba has taken the final leap into game obsession. He has actually become trapped *in* a game. Stupid Kaiba; the point of playing is to always be in control.

Well, since I am King of Games, I suppose we'd best go show Kaiba how to really play a game. He is such a wanna-be. When I get groupies, he will *not* be one of them.


	10. Rescuing Kaiba, and The DUKE

A/N: I'm about to die of shock...this fic reached over 200 reviews. I love you reviewers so! To think that my way of summarizing episodes would become popular! I'm glad you guys like it! Here's your update! Oh, and Otogi is in this one. I call him "Duke" temporarily because I started this as a summary for the English translation. Sorry to his fangirls. But I'll have to call Malik... "Marik"....so we're even.

  
  


Yami Yugi's Diary

Chapter Ten

  
  


DAY TWENTY FOUR:

How threatening is this name: "The Big 5"? That's what Kaiba's top henchmen are called. The same ones who stuffed him in a video game. It took me a while to catch on that the "Big Five" are individual semi-important people working for KaibaCorp, not some guy with a big hand.

Anyway, here's my team in this virtual world: Yugi, Me, Joey, and Mokuba. 

Pen is seriously running out of ink. ...Pen dying...getting faint...must remember...to...recap...

  
  
  
  


DAY TWENTY SIX:

Have a brand-new blue-ink pen! Pulled off the tag, though, and is sticking to my fingers. Blech.

Settled for sticking it to Joey's forehead. Stupid mortal is trying to get it off of *his* fingers now. Good luck, I say, sarcastically. Not out loud of course, because Yugi would be mad.

Right. Here's what happened to Kaiba:

We went searching for him in a nice little town. Of course, everyone there was dueling like there was no tomorrow. Found out that Kaiba had been taken to a castle across an 'uncrossable' desert, and the only way (which made it crossable) was to get a Niwatori. Joey dressed up like a pig and dueled some lady in a butterfly mask. Turned out it was Mai, just so you know.

So, Mai joined our little group, but unfortunately since we weren't out on a life raft in the middle of the ocean, I couldn't ditch someone in exchange for her. Oh well. One more idiot in a band of Yugi's followers didn't do much damage to me. Much.

So we got Niwatori cards, summoned them (they're chickens on steroids, so Yugi said, to me) and rode them across the desert. Should have had these back in Egypt. Camels are slow and they stink. Niwatori tend to smell of turkey dinner. Mmm... 

Then we met Princess Adena who looked just like Mokuba. (Here's what I don't understand. Kaiba made this game. He *designed* the characters. Why did he make his brother a girl? Is he confused? Does he think Mokuba is a girl?) Anyway, we made fun of Mokuba a lot. Until Joey was forced to dress up like a caveman when the rest of us were dressed up like knights. Then I made fun of Joey. Inwardly, of course.

Then the princess was captured. (Well, not really. Mokuba was. He got a little caught up in playing in Adena's wardrobe room; somehow ended up in the princess's clothes.) Then we were short another Kaiba brother. Which was too bad...he was starting to grow on me. At which point Yugi said that Mokuba hadn't *died* and I could stop being angry because we were still going to rescue both Kaibas.

Packed up my determination and went off in search of Seto. Blah! I called him *SETO*! Hah! He'd be so mad if he knew. Joey and Mai hit the dirt; as in, they were defeated when we did find Kaiba and went up against the Mythic Dragon. This left it all up to me...and Kaiba. We won. Yippee. Went home after that. Bought the pen.

Would it have killed Kaiba to show a little gratitude? Just a little? He'd better repay me. Virtual Reality bites. I mean, even back before there were *manners* the cave people probably still had common courtesy. Even the animals do. I saw the dolphins on the Discovery Channel.

Anyway, got lots of compliments on my clothes today. Or rather, *Yugi* did. By lots of girls who we kept running into, since it's a weekend. Yes, I *told* him girls liked him. I was right, but ignored, as usual.

Okay. Here's why I'm gloating. I dressed 'us' today and he didn't like it until a few heads turned and started showering him with praise. THEN he was all "Thanks, Yami", "Great choice, Yami", "Where did this come from, Yami?", "Did you steal this, Yami?", "Tell me who you stole this from, Yami!". 

I *didn't* steal, but I kind of figured it would be worse to tell him I'd made his eye-catching new accessories out of his father's old things. Even if he was getting positive attention for it. So I played dumb about the whole 'thievery' issue. I almost had him believing there *were* no thieves in Ancient Egypt, until he asked Ryou Bakura. 

Then I got in trouble. So, we went home with no cotton candy (the stuff's almost as amazing as how it's made!) 

  
  


DAY TWENTY SEVEN:

Found Grandpa all upset. He's usually acting spry, kind of dorky even though you can tell he thinks he's being cool. Won't listen to me when I tell him not to do things, so he gets hurt, has his soul stolen, or just looks stupid.

He was all mad about some guy across the street opening a new game shop. They were selling a new game that the Turtle Game Shop doesn't carry. (I *told* you, he's running a monopoly here! It's...it's evil! And limiting!) 'Dungeon Dice Monsters'. *I* wanted to try it. Yugi wanted to be loyal to Grandpa. As I promised after trying to kill Kaiba, I backed off and let him have his way. Someday that promise will get me into *real* trouble.

Went to school and ran into the owner of the new shop! I was excited; Yugi got into an argument with him. He's grown a lot of backbone. Or maybe his backbone has just attached to his mouth since I came along. Either way, Joey somehow got it into his head that he ought to challenge this guy to Duel Monsters. If Joey won, the guy would close down his shop. If 'Otogi' or "Duke" or whatever his name is won, then...I don't know. Wasn't listening. Got distracted by the size of this dueling ring he has in his shop. 

Never, ever going to buy from Grandpa again; someone needs to stop the monopolizing, and "Duke" is just the guy to do it.

His arrogance rivals Kaiba's! He's got...he's got *cheerleaders!* Then again, so do I. Well...I have cheerleader. Singular. She calls herself 'Tea'. She's not a very good cheerleader, but Yugi has a crush on her, so she'll do. I'd prefer dancing Kuriboh, personally.

The duel was broadcast, live, around the world. That should have been a warning, but no. Joey went ahead with the match anyway.

At first, Joey was winning. He used a Sword Hunter to get rid of "Duke"'s Oni Tank 234 in the first turn; it also powered up Joey's card. Not a bad move. 

"Duke" put a card face down and summoned Dark Bat, in defense mode. So Joey played a Swordhorn Beast which does Life Point damage even when the monster in defense mode. Was vaguely impressed, for a while. Then he took out the Dark Bat, but "Duke"'s trap card destroyed the Sword Hunter as well.  
"Duke"'s next monster destroyed the Swordhorn Beast and he put more cards down. Joey played the Goblin Attack Team (2300/100), to kill off "Duke"'s Monster but then went into defense mode. 

"Duke" played a 1200/800 monster, and doubled its attack with Limit Remover. Finally, "Duke" revealed the Meteor Crush card, which, he said, is "like a magic card version of the Swordhorn Beast." Meaning the monster equipped with it can damage LP when attacking defense monsters too. He attacked the Goblin Attack Team and won the duel.  
So what did Joey have to do? Aside from be torn down on live, worldwide, Jumbo Screen TV? He had to be a slave. And wear a dog costume. Was tempted to pull of "Duke"'s mask, since I suspected it was Kaiba underneath, but Yugi wouldn't let me.

Instead he challenged "Duke". (That guy really seems to get to Yugi. Wonder what that means?) Duke said that he'd only play Dungeon Dice Monsters (yippee!) And if he won, I'd never, ever, for as long as I lived, play Duel Monsters again. Am dead, so I accepted. Then it registered that he'd said if I lost, I'd also have to give up my title as Game King. Felt angry and regretful then.

Room turned into a board. Heck, everything in it was. Bored, I mean. Or maybe that was just me. I've seen scary, freaky, unbelievable things in the Shadow Realm; Duke's crappy technology no longer does anything for me.

Felt slightly more insignificant and singled-out when I learned we have 3 "Heart Points" instead of 2000 Life Points. (Where did he get "heart points" from? That guy plays up too much to his cheerleaders.)

We have to build a path with our monsters; get to the other players frilly "heart points" and hack away like a drunken chain-saw murderer. Oh, and...did I mention this? Because "Duke" sure didn't: We have to match up two dice in order to make the path.

Stupid...man. Knows I'll win and won't tell me how to play. Cheater. I'm going to banish him for this.

I must look bored or frustrated. Duke is telling me a story.

...He worked with Pegasus. To make this game. Pegasus Boy. Yes. Much better; 'Duke' is a Western title of nobility. Henceforth he'll be known in *my* diary as "PB".

HEY! He took a heart point! That's it. I'm putting down this book and getting back to business. 


	11. Finishing off DiceMonsters The Joys of B...

A/N: Ah, update day! Animerose said if she reviewed the diaries, I ought to update; and she did. On top of that, Borath kept giving me all these *ideas*, as well as a new summary site, so...here's an update. Just a reminder: "PB" is Duke Devlin/Otogi. At first I was going to change it back to "Duke", and might later on when he appears again, but for now *kicks and screams* I don't want to and you can't make me!

Pachelbel's list of pairings (as requested by DogsruleW): Well, there aren't really any, just hints of Yugi/Tea, and Joey/Mai "liking" each other. And of course the teasing of Kaiba obsessing over Joey and Yami. It's hard to do pairings when this is written from the POV of a grumpy Pharaoh. I meant to say this before, but I'm *only* going to put in pairings that are in the series and are official or at least semi-official.

  
  


Yami Yugi's Diary! Chapter Eleven

  
  


DAY TWENTY-SEVEN

Hah! Well, here's a fail-proof win-the-game plan if there ever was one: Summon Dark Magician in all games. Even non-Duel Monster games.

Took the rest of the Heart Points, and won the game! WON against the creator...again!

Have made PB cry, (well, almost cry) and that's good enough for me. But maybe I'll go rub it in anyway. Joey's not dressing as a dog anymore because...did you hear?...I WON his freedom; I WON and kept title of Game King.

Anyway, went over and talked to PB. He was all depressed because he saw what a jerk he was. He even admitted it. Called himself a jerk. Glad I'm not that humble.

So, he thought Dice Monsters was finished because he was, as he said, a jerk on WORLD-BROADCAST television. Never occurred to me that thousands of people would be watching me play. Er, well, Yugi insists there are billions of people in the world now, but I'm skeptical.

But let's look at it logically. Is there any bigger jerk-moron-stupid-peckerhead than Seto Kaiba? I think not. And look how popular his games are. So convinced PB he had nothing to worry about. Dice Monsters will become famous and well-loved. Partly because I made it look so fun.

Learned nice new trick from PB: Throwing Dice In Order To Hit People In The Head. Will store that knowledge away for better use.

  
  


DAY TWENTY-EIGHT:

What a nice day for a walk. No school, no screaming grandfather (everyday it's "Yugi, get up! Get up! GET UP!" and when we go downstairs it's "Yugi, eat your breakfast. Faster. EAT UP!" and when we get home it's "Yugi, sweep the floor. GO TO WORK!") But not today.

"Yugi, your friends are here!" ...Oh, wait...never mind...

Today, we're going out for a walk. Well, okay, we're really going to a...'soccer'...game. Yugi tried to explain why he doesn't play THAT game (has something to do with him being short, non-athletic, and disliking jocks). I think he's just lazy. Will design rigorous aerobic exercises for him. Then will become King of All Games.

Oh, did I mention something? Yugi bought a big chain for my Puzzle. Not a *jewelry* chain. It's a CHAIN-chain, the kind you use to strap things onto moving vehicles, or that you use to hit thugs with, or to keep really big dogs or leopards from running off and killing people. Yeah, right, like the puzzle has little Millennium Legs that it can use to run away with. Yugi is paranoid.

On top of that we both agree something "big" is coming. Yugi is slightly more worried than me, but after he got into "Friends don't let friends drive drunk and we'll stick together and be okay!" mode, he felt better. I think it's high time I start revealing, in bits and pieces, about my Pharaoh-past. Still have to think up the best way to do that...need to make it believable, because right now he still thinks I'm just some magical imaginary friend.

Anyway, Tea came and picked us up. She's waiting downstairs; we've been stalling for ten minutes. Can't imagine spending that much time alone with Grandpa Motou, so we'd better go rescue her.

Walking, walking, bouncing up and down. It's really nauseating actually. And Domino has an awful lot of panhandlers and beggars. Heh. Yugi is stopping to talk to eery-looking cloaked fortune teller.

...WHAT IS YUGI DOING? WHY IS HE TAKING OFF THE PUZZLE? WHAT IN THE NAME OF RA IS GOING ON?

....I'M BEING STOLEN!!

...Am using the little eye/peephole on the front of the Puzzle to try and figure out where I am. Oh, that's good, there's arrows telling Yugi where to go. Hope he figures that out.... I mean, what if he *never* finds me? I'll be stuck with ugly mindless zombie with greasy fingers.

At least Yugi washes his hands....

He knew this would happen. *I* knew this would happen. Fat lot of good the chain does NOW. I'm being hammered into a wall. If Yugi'd just *kept* the ugly rotting piece of rope on my Puzzle, I could've made it rot more and dropped down. But *Yugi* wanted to be secure.

Ah! Yugi's here! He followed the arrows!

And of COURSE my kidnapper--er, the robber, wants to duel. Oh, yeah, forgot about little loophole; you can't just *steal* these Millennium Things, you have to win them in a duel. Otherwise, I'll explode. The Eye will melt your brain. The Rod will float around and stab people. The Necklace will strangle you in your sleep. The Ring...really likes to run away when you're not looking (the PUZZLE doesn't but does Yugi believe that?) I'm pretty sure the Ring does something else but I was eating dinner during the meeting about which Millennium Item should do what and don't remember what we decided.... The Scales will just go lopsided, and the Key will stick itself into the back of your head for eternity. Unless, of course, one of the guardians steals. See, if I took Shadi's Key, it wouldn't hurt me even if it might not work for me. Of course, Shadi wouldn't be happy because he really gets off on his power. "Ooh, look at me, I'm Shadi, I own two Millennium Items and I guard them while the Pharaoh's away! Don't mess with me or I'll stab you with this Key!"

Hm. Got off on a rant. Am going into denial about my "predicament". I missed seeing the Celtic Guardian be a sacrifice. AGAIN. I'm really going to have to talk to him about that.

Sniff sniff. Hmm...that guy smells like hotdogs and machine oil....

Yugi's thinking, Only one person uses machine cards! Which isn't true; we *have* machine cards in our deck, so does Joey. But when he said, "Show yourself, Bandit Keith!" I had to agree.

Especially when the robber tossed back his hood and, Wow!, there was Bandit Keith. ...Didn't he die, or run off in eternal shame? Some people don't quit. It's admirable in me, but really irritating in others.

Eegh. He's being controlled by somebody. Somebody with a magical-probably-Millennium Item.

What's Bakura doing here?! Ohh...! He just freed Keith's mind! If he didn't smell like rotting meat, I could think about hugging him! As it is, I think I'll let Yugi do it.

Uh oh. What's Keith doing? Why is he running towards me? Oh, no...Don't you dare...don't you even think about--

  
  


DAY TWENTY-NINE

I'm alive. Ok, dead, but in one piece again. Keith started a fire and broke my Puzzle; it's a good thing that Yugi remembered how to solve it. It's also a good thing Joey and Tristan came by; the chain was really strong and Yugi couldn't get it un-nailed from the wall. But his friends could.

Well, now Yugi's feeling all guilty. He's got the Puzzle set in front of him on a nice soft blanket. Need to go comfort him, will write more later.

...Have just finished talking to Yugi. He asked me who I really was, where I came from...and...I don't remember. I mean, I've forgotten some of my past. As in, almost all of it. I was powerful...and...apparently Pharaoh if my diary is telling the truth.

Well, that's just GREAT. I was all geared up and now I don't remember anything that can make me confident! I'm going to get whoever controlled Keith and made him break my Puzzle.

  
  



	12. Yugi, living vicariouslythrough me

A/N: Short update...sorry This one only covers one episode. However, the next official update will cover at least three episodes. Uhm...basically, though, this is a short update after a long dry spell...you're free to stone me if you want ._.

I've re-done the last chapter to take out Yami's "date" with Anzu/Tea, so I can make this chapter more fleshed out. I'll also probably completely revamp the Bandit Keith/Malik-Yugi duel, since I found the tape that was on, and (joy!) it hasn't been recorded over.

Also, a Note that I've meant to add in from the beginning...the structure of the Diaries is intentional I know Yami's grammar sounds funny, but the format made sense when I began writing this for these reasons:

A) The book that gave me the idea was written the same way;

B) Yami wouldn't know about modern grammar, so I figured he'd be likely to skip a few pronouns in his diary;

C) It's kooky and fun P

  
  


Yami Yugi's Diary! Chapter Twelve

  
  


Day Thirty:

  
  


School's out. Is raining. Joey and Tristan are mopping. Am I the only one who finds this a setup for something really bad? And probably dangerous?

  
  


Not like anything else can be taken from me if I do get into trouble again. I mean, my identity's stolen. That's the end of the line if you think about it.

  
  


At least there's not some guy out there wearing my name around. That happened to Grandpa; his "credit card" was stolen. That's what he gets for putting his name on a plastic card, I say. People ought to have their names engraved on them somewhere.

  
  


Am beginning to wonder about Joey, though. All he ever says is, "My sister Serenity" this, "My Sister Serenity" that. Really. He says it *just* like that. As if we might've forgotten his sister's name is Serenity. Or, that Serenity is his sister.

  
  


So here's a strange fact. None of us have ever *seen* this "sister Serenity".

  
  


Tristan's excited to meet her, but that's only because she's a girl, and he would be excited to meet a flagpole if it were wearing a dress.

  
  


Plus, Joey was a tough guy once; maybe he took the money Yugi gave him that I won, and ran off with it. Without actually running off, I mean.

  
  


Hm. When Joey starts adding "you know, she's a *real* person!" at the end of his "my sister Serenity" sentences, I'll ask. Till then, I want to go home and read some books about Pharaohs. Must be *something* about me in there.

  
  
  
  


Day Thirty One:

  
  


Yugi's got a date with Tea. Though, he denies it; he says he's just going to talk about...well, he never said what. I was too busy mussing with his hair to listen anyway.

  
  


So far we've gone through everything in his drawers, his closet his hamper, and under his bed, plus my soul room closet (nothing in there but alligators, unfortunately), and because we were desperate, we even raided Grandpa's closet.

  
  


We settled on all black. Fits my optimism level, at least. And I made him put on lots of spikes. Don't want him worrying about bullies while he's trying to "put the moves" on Tea. The effect looks more threatening on me, though.

  
  


Time to go, anyway. Hopefully he'll remember not to take off the Puzzle.

  
  


Later:

  
  


The twerp. He's making *me* go on the date for him. Feel used. Again.

  
  


So we went to a cafe; there we were, her sipping a drink, me staring out the window. Resulted in Tea inspiring herself into dragging me around town.

  
  


Bright side is, we went and bought cards; met my quota for helping Turtle Game Shop competitors take down the monopolizing old man. I mean, Grandpa, of course. Then we went to an arcade, I guess because she thought I'd be as "inspired" as she was, and start beating everyone at their games.

  
  


No such luck for her. Am so depressed my hair should be droopy. She really underestimates the power of losing your own memories.

  
  


Anyway, then we noticed a bunch of flashy lights and loud music, and went to see some guys slapping their feet on little glow pads.

  
  


Tea took over my "duelist spirit" and offered to beat the winner. I wondered how she intended to do that, as she's not exactly a great game player, when she began stripping, tossed her coat right on my head. Caught her jacket and demanded to know what she was doing, but she only said she was going to "teach this guy what real dancing's all about!" Which sounded pretty incriminating if you ask me.

  
  


Prepared myself to tackle her and wrestle her clothes back on, but fortunately she stopped taking things off before I had to.

  
  


Was surprised to find the little glow pads made the players dance. Anyway, the guy-Johnny Steps-started trying to trip her up, but she flew over his feet and kept dancing. I mean literal flying. Was strange.

  
  


Still don't understand why they were bobbing their heads, as they couldn't reach the pads with their foreheads. Would've been funny if they had, but no.

  
  


Right, so Tea won, and we went to look at the sunset, which is the proper way to end a date. Not that it ended there. Johnny reappeared, complete with a pun on his own name ("Mind if I *Step* in here?" Seriously. That's reaching.) So I decided to take the spotlight back, as I was feeling more peppy, and we went and played Duel Monsters.

  
  


He knew my name, by the way. Was about to demand how he knew, but then realized he'd meant Yugi. Yugi's famous because of Duelist Kingdom! Am proud.

  
  


Johnny turned to run after he figured out who Yugi was, but Tea was there to stop him. Well, to chew his ear off, rather. Not literally this time. Ew.

  
  


He thanked her for being honest and left. She kept the optimistic spirit by telling me, "Hopefully now he'll *face* his problems, instead of running away."

  
  


I doubt it. He'll probably just take up heavy drinking. That's what I'd do if someone defeated me and then made fun of me for not having any friends.

  
  


Well, we're off to an Egypt exhibit now. Hopefully it'll spark some memories. Or I can duel someone who works there to get answers; whichever comes first.


End file.
